It was tough for a California boy suddenly stuck in a conservative Texas Bible school. Never having been to Texas, I figured they all wore ten gallon hats and kicker boots and hated Californians and hippies. I figured I'd be a dead man when I got to the Dallas airport, so I cut my hair and put on a nice shirt before boarding the plane for Dallas. The charade didn't last long; you can take the boy out of L.A., but you can't take L.A. out of the boy. (OK, no points for originality.)

When I get nervous, I crack jokes. I still haven't outgrown it, especially when I get around religious folks. Just last month, I was asked to give my testimony to a group of conservative businessmen. Long hair, earring and all. I showed up. met the conservative president of the group. I got nervous. I did fine till we got to the salad bar. I picked up a plate, looked over the salad bar at the president, and said, "Frisbee?", sort of pretending I wanted to toss the plate to him. "WHAT?!", he said, very irritated. "You know, 'FRISBEE?'", I said. He just glared. "Stop it, Reid", I said to myself. "You're committing ministry suicide!" I did O.K. speaking until I got to talking about mid-life crisis for Christians and I said, "Why is it that you reach a certain age and all the hair goes off your head and ends up in your nose and ears?", and realized everyone in the place was bald...oh well...

So this habit had begun early in my life, and here I was fresh from L.A.., now working with two very religious dudes. I was VERY nervous as these two inspected me like a strange fungus on their sandwich bread. They didn't talk - they just stared as we worked putting pages of a big Bible picture book together for stapling - same pages, over and over and over. So I said, "Gee, maybe we'll actually get to READ this book someday!", accompanied by a big, "It's a JOKE guys, GET IT?" grin. They didn't. "Yeh, mebbe", one said, staring at me like, "Hey, Henry, the fungus SPOKE! Be careful!" I might as well have said, "Ogo, mugumbe tatwa nobodii podoodoo." But hey, I don't give up easily! At least not until I innocently commit some unpardonable verbal sin, which I did in what I though was a display of brilliant humor sure to render my Kentucky friends helpless on the floor with gales of hysterical laughter.

I placed my right hand on the manuscript, raised my left hand in the air Pentecostal-style and yelled, "I BIND this book!!!" It was so funny, I couldn't stand myself! I looked over, hand still in mid-air, and staring back at me were two horrified faces! I could see their thoughts. "Henry, he's possessed." They didn't get the joke! Oh, you didn't either? Well, see, we were preparing to have a book bound, and there's this scripture about binding...oh, forget it. Let's just say the puddle of sweat forming at my feet was getting deep and I was thrilled when the shift ended, enabling me to slink out the back door before they began heaving cloves of garlic and holy water at me.

I was a MISFIT. Making things worse, I didn't agree with about 70% of what the school taught. But I knew GOD had sent me there. So guess who got the raw end of my anger? Yup. Now, I know God is big enough to fry me on the spot with a deluxe lightning bolt. But I had so much pent-up hurt and anger in my life that I knew early in my walk with Him that I had to get it all out, and, well, if God knew my heart, then I was safe enough to get mad - even at Him. I also knew He was never wrong. I knew the problem was always me, and I knew if I didn't get it out of my system, I'd hurt someone else or just myself. And every time, after I threw my tantrum and let all the confusion drain, God gently said, "Are you finished?" "Yes, Dad". "Now let me explain My ways to you." And all would be well. Time has lessened my anger, and sweetened my trust in a loving Father who never struck back at my blind, hurt rages. He's not like a human Dad, you know.

Back to my story. For the next few days, I was subjected to a flood of different teachers, all of which had totally opposite views on healing, prosperity, the Holy Spirit and nearly everything else. One evening speaker I was stuck listening to for five horrible nights was a grating, arrogant man who taught that all sickness was either because of a sin or a lack of faith, and that anyone who disagreed was "stupid headed". Well, I didn't agree, and when I told others, I was told I was rebellious, unsubmitted, and - stupid. I was so confused I was in knots every night. He was a teacher! In a PULPIT! How dare I question? Yet, I heard so much pride in him, so little love, so much ridiculing others. Who was right? Me or him?

Halfway through the last night, I'd had enough. I decided what to do. I walked out, went to Mc Donald's, and proceeded to top my previous record by consuming 3 Big Macs, 2 fish fillets, 2 fries, 2 cokes and a sundae. "I think I'm having a baby", I belched to no one, and then I rolled back to my apartment. Then I snapped.

I locked the door, and what followed was what those who know me remember as the "Throwing Forks At God" incident. For I proceeded to empty my silverware drawer and began screaming and throwing knives, forks and spoons at God. (At the ceiling, really. It probably is still mysteriously pock-marked to the new residents. Hopefully they didn't see the face of a saint in it and build a shrine around it.) I had no fear of the noise disturbing my neighbors who were used to demons being cast out of unsuspecting new students at 3:00 in the morning. It probably just confirmed my Kentucky friends' suspicions about me being possessed.

After I yelled at God for about an hour and recycled the silverware roofward three times or more, I lay in the floor and cried for a long time. You see, I wasn't really mad at God. I was just confused, and hurt and alienated from the others. God understood. He didn't condemn me for my outburst. I felt His love. "Jesus", I said, "I need an answer. I can't stay here not knowing what's right or wrong. Tell me the answers, please!"

Now, I'm not a believer in scripture roulette - you know, open your bible, close your eyes, plop open the Bible and get a Word from God. People get in trouble that way. I once told a class about a man who was in love with a woman named Grace, and he used Scripture Roulette to see if he should marry her, and he found his answer in a verse - "Grace be unto you". A student replied, "Well, he's in real trouble then. I found a verse that says, 'Grace be unto you ALL'." Pretty shaky guidance, I think

In one moment, all my fears, doubts and confusion were washed away. It didn't matter who was right! I was looking at fallible men, some who were right, some wrong, but NONE of them had ALL the answers! I knew then I needed to lift my eyes away from people and see Jesus only and trust His Spirit to guide me into all truth. His Word said He would!

If these questions confuse you and trap you in debate with others, listen to me: The church has been debating these issues (except for green angels, which I just made up) for thousands of years. And guess what? No agreement yet! What a surprise! If Jesus doesn't return soon, trust me, Christians will be tearing each other apart over these things long after I'm bones and STILL not agree. So what's the point in losing sleep? Only a few issues are beyond question: The trinity; the virgin birth; the resurrection and judgment; heaven and hell; Jesus' return; salvation only by His blood and His grace; the divinity of Jesus; the perfection of God's Word. The rest - well, you'll make your little brains fall out trying to figure it all out. Don't major on minor issues. Or, to revise a current saying, Rule # 1 - don't sweat the small stuff. Rule #2 - it's almost all small stuff. Basic truth is important. Don't let anyone sway you from the ones I just mentioned. But when the debates and confusion catch you in their web, remember that Jesus alone knows it all. Don't be afraid; open your eyes, look up, and see no man but Jesus, no teacher, no church, no "new truths". All men and women are just vessels. Keep your eyes - and ears - and heart - on Jesus. The Master Teacher will with His Word teach you Himself. He'll use others, yes.