Eleven Principles of Youth Ministry
Gregory R Reid
I was sixteen when I was first called into ministry, and most of my life has been
spent with youth. One of my guys once told me I was like a “guardian angel for
kids.” I like that; I strive to be worthy of that. I've never worked as a “youth
pastor” in a church, although I spent ten years shepherding kids in JOEL youth
ministry; kids no one wanted; kids no one much loved. I made mistakes; they
taught me; we did some wonderful things. It was a life changing experience.
Through this I learned that I may not be a youth pastor in the conventional sense,
but more a pastor of the heart; my “congregation” is made up of kids near and
far, especially lonely hurting kids, but also just kids who need encouragement to
go the distance with Jesus. My prayer is that in the end, something of Jesus will
become real to them because we shared our lives together in the Lord.
Professional ministry can be a precarious business; it's easy for people to get lost
in the shuffle and chewed up by the machinery of “big ministry”; with kids, who
need special care, this is even more precarious. Youth ministry is often the least
funded, because kids are not a priority; too many view it as professional
baby-sitting until kids can grow up and be contributors and producers. And this
should not be so.
As one who has walked between these worlds, please accept the following
hard-learned principles I have tried to make real in all I have done, and hope yet
to do, in youth ministry.
1. Keep your promises.
So many kids come from broken homes. Fathers, especially, tend to fail to keep
their promises: I'll play ball with you tomorrow. I'll be there for your recital. I'll be
home in time to kiss you goodnight. We'll go see that movie.
The message kids get is, adults can't be trusted. Don't be one of them. Keep your
word no matter what it takes. If you make a commitment to do something for or
with a kid, do it. A broken promise does incredible damage. Everyone fails, but
too few even consider this a big deal. It is a HUGE deal to a kid. Help them, by
your faithfulness, build that trust that eventually translates to a greater trust in
God.
2. Don't blow your class.
How old are you? Be that age. It's a mistake to “try” to be “cool” to “relate” to
kids. Now, some of you who know me might say, “Don't you dress the way you do
to try and relate to kids?” No, I'm just a really bad dresser. I really don't try at all to
“relate” or be “cool” because I know it would come across as false. I don't know
much of the new music. I'm not familiar with what's “hot.” I'm just myself.
I believe kids don't want you to come down to their level. I believe they want to be
spiritually raised up to your level. Raise the standard higher. Grab their hand and
lift them up. A hero isn't “one of them” as much as someone whose life, purpose
and character makes them hunger for that kind of life.
When you “try to relate” it fails. Just relate to the universal needs of the heart of
all kids: The fears, the loneliness, the need for love and for meaning and purpose,
to the hopes and hurts and joys. And the silly laughter and spontaneity and
childlike embracing of life and God and love. That's real, and they'll know it.
Britney Spears will soon be yesterday's Tiffany. Only how you connect to kids at a
heart level will remain in memory, and in true eternal things.
3. Kids are not a project.
Here's a point that tends to get some people really angry when I talk about it.
Professional ministry generally treats people like notches in a gun belt; numbers
to
increase their own visibility, viability and credibility. A project.
In my early days of ministry, I adapted the “psychospeak” of my fellow pastoral
counselors, and began speaking of those who I ministered to as my
“counselees.” God
forgive me. Later, I moved that over to, “I worked with this kid”, as if the hurting
young
person who trusted me enough to share their deepest secrets and wounds was a
“work”. “I worked with them.” How can a labor of love based on such precious
trust be called “working with them”? God forgive me - again. God help us to
dispense of such pretentious, arrogant and self-elevating sin. Kids are not a
project to be worked - they are precious souls to be loved, nurtured and grown. It
is not their fortunate lot to be blessed by “my” infinite gifts and graces - but in
reality my humbling privilege to serve them.
4. Don't drop kids when they aren't kids anymore.
We place so little value on longevity in relationships anymore; marriages and
friendships that last are increasingly rare. Yet the value of long-term relationships
can't be measured.
Modern youth work is not designed for this. It's like school. You graduated; have
a good life, goodbye. And yes, kids grow into life and in some measure outgrow
their need for us.
But I learned an astonishing thing when my own spiritual mother in the faith died.
She had raised me in Jesus, taught me, loved me. As I went through her things, I
found a box of letters from grown men that she had taught Sunday school when
they were boys - sixty years earlier! She never lost touch, nor did they. They all
wrote of the profound influence she had on their lives. What a revelation!
We as youth ministers are taught to be teachers and entertainers, not necessarily
disciplers, or fathers and mothers in the faith. And that is a great loss.
I told one young man who had grown to be a son in the Lord, “Even when I'm 80,
you'll still be my kid.” I think it matters, that kids know they don't cease to be of
value to us just because they grow up and move on. I was recently talking to
someone who had one of his kids withdrawing and angry. As I thought about it, I
realized it was like having a child, raising them, then having another: If you give
all your attention to the new child and very little to the older, that child will feel
rejected, useless and replaced. And as my friend moved into other things and
other youth, his young friend I believe felt that. Like in a family, a new child needs
extra love and attention - but the older child needs to be included, given
responsibility, and a reaffirmation that they are still just as special, just as loved.
5. Hype fades; the Word remains.
I think there is some value in entertainment for kids, especially in getting the
interest of unsaved kids. Young Life uses games and fun to a tremendous benefit
for the Kingdom of God, and they have tremendous success in reaching kids
through the avenue of these tools, and I support that 100% in that context. But
beyond that, in some ways I am struck by the utter lack of entertainment in the
New Testament. I think games and entertainment can be used by God, surely. But
it is never a substitute for the power and presence of God. I'm okay with using the
media to evangelize through music, the arts, movies. But face it - we're glutted
with it. And most of it is FLUFF. Smoke and glitter. And the fruit? Who knows,
really? God uses what He will. But my heart longs to see kids drawn, not by hype,
but by the Anointing poured out through vessels committed to giving the pure
and powerful Word of God.
Most Christian music is designed to sound like the world, and many artists are
just waiting to “cross over” to the big boys secular market. I thank God for the
few, like Third Day and Matt Redman, who keep it pure and powerful.
Fluff Christian entertainment will pass, and little will transform. Seek for the
higher, the eternal, that which will transform kids into living flames of fire.
6. Be a flawed hero, not a plastic saint.
Apologize when you're wrong; admit when you blow it. If you hurt someone,
make it right. And above all, if you don't know the answer to something, don't
make it up. When kids see you as you are, and yet see God still mighty in you,
using you, blessing you, touching you, they will know God can do the same for
them.
7. Have a heart coated with steel and filled with compassion.
Kids can hurt you. Oh, boy, CAN they. Their words are often careless and
thoughtless, cynical and sarcastic, mirroring the world that surrounds them.
Most of the time, they don't mean to hurt you. But they do. And you need a
steel-plated, Teflon coated, non-stick heart. But not impenetrable. Understand
that even when they mean to hurt you, it's
rarely really about you or toward you. It's hurt and anger over school, rejection,
parents, any number of things. Take the blows, cry later, then let God show you
what's behind their hurt. And let it go. As they say, it's not about you.
8. It's not as much what you say but who
you are and how you love that matters.
Pastor Rick Howard of Peninsula Christian Center has been my mentor and
spiritual father since 1977. His messages are straightforward, powerful and cut
right to my heart. And of the hundreds of messages I've heard from him, several
have been life-changing - literally. So many principles he's taught remain rock
solid principles of my life and ministry.
But in the end, it is who he is in my life that has had the biggest impact. He
invested in me - trusted me - befriended me - picked me up when I fell flat on my
face and gave me hope that God was not through with me. He was vulnerable,
caring and real. He was- and is - always there for me.
I sat under Rev. Glenn Adkins in California. I can't recite much of his sermons.
But who he was changed me - he was and is a faithful, unchanging rock of service
to the Lord who preaches to the lost and cannot be stopped. When I want to quit, I
remember Glenn, and I stay the course.
Claudette and Rosemary - mothers in the faith and teachers of true ministry - so
much they said to me, tried to teach us - but what I remember most is their love
for Jesus, their broken hearts for the hurting, their unswerving feistiness and
tenacity - and the way they took me in as one of their own. Those are eternal
things.
Okay, try to be relevant if you need to, or “cutting edge” as they say - but it is your
true essence in Jesus and how that changes kids that will remain.
9. Trust is not a given - it is earned.
I have a small problem with the term “accountability.” It's not used in scripture,
except that “we must all give account before God.” “Accountability” was actually
a corporate world term used long before the church co-opted it. I believe in
authority in the Kingdom, absolutely. And ALL of us need relationships that are
honest, challenging and healing. None of us should go it alone.
However, mix “accountability” with “professional ministry” and the opportunities
for abuse and control are very real. I have ministered to dozens of people and
kids who were chewed up by such abusive leaders and churches here locally.
Some are still trying to heal 15 years later.
You have an accountability before God to protect your kids. Sometimes from
each other.
But kids being “accountable” is only beneficial in the context of trust, and trust is
not a privilege you assume as a leader but a sacred trust you EARN. One of the
most profound things Pastor Howard ever said to me is, “You have to earn the
right to speak into people's lives.” And with kids, that trust is hard-earned. It
doesn't come and shouldn't be demanded automatically, but comes when they
know you are safe - and that they really matter to you. Then, “accountability” will
be freely given, natural, real. Are you willing to let that happen in time, willing to
prove yourself trustworthy of that kind of dangerous trust?
10. True discipleship is built on real relationships.
What's the difference between a kid who grows up and has fond memories of
their youth group and youth pastor, and a “lifer” - one who goes on to produce
much fruit? Much of the time, it's the difference in investment in relationship.
Elijah and Elisha, Moses and Aaron and Miriam, David and Jonathan, Jesus and
the 12, Paul and Timothy…life begets life…one life poured into the other, true
spiritual parenting. Paul said, “We were willing to give our whole lives for you, so
dear you were to us.” A hireling is doing a job. A shepherd surrenders his life for
his sheep. That's the difference between professional youth pastoring and true
youth shepherding. It's that simple. If it's a step for you while you wait for a “real”
job as a pastor, God bless you, but move on. Kids need shepherds who are
committed to them because they are….shepherds.
Youth Ministry can be as mercurial and passing as adolescence itself - or an
enduring, life-changing window for both kids and yourself. Build with strong
materials - real relationships - invested relationships - trustworthiness, faith in
their calling and potential, transparency, the solid Word of God, genuine love and
commitment. If you do, it will truly bear “fruit that remains.” And YOU will be
blessed because you did not settle for a quick cheap imitation, but gave it all for
the real thing.
11. You can only give what you have.
That is a multifaceted statement. From one angle, it means that you are limited.
You can't do or be everything. Team ministry is wonderful. For myself, I am very
limited. I'm terrible at games (although I did let myself be decorated as a
Christmas tree, as well as put on a Larry the Cucumber outfit for our church
Christmas events - don't ask - it wasn't pretty) - but others are great at doing
games. I'm a teacher and a listener. I can't do what it isn't in me to do. Know what
you CAN and are CALLED to do and let others help you with the rest.
From another angle, this statement means that you cannot give if your cup is
empty. I am a true believer in the truth that the best ministry comes from what
God gives to you directly. I know you're busy. But if you are so busy that you have
to scramble at the last minute to come up with a message, then your kids are
going to get stale bread.
Life changing truth is truth that comes new and fresh from Father's hand. And
THAT is your first ministry, your first priority. Otherwise, you'll be stuck forever
looking for clever things to keep kids coming back week after week.
There is nothing as powerful, attractive, life changing or compelling as pure truth
poured out through a yielded, listening youth shepherd who has cared enough to
wait to receive from the hand of God what He has to say and give.
If youth pastors did this, I suspect the “clever games for bored and spoiled
Christian kids” book industry would go belly-up in a quick hurry.
Unrealistic, you say?
Let me ask you a question: Why is the Word of God never enough?
The fault is not in the Word, but in our failure to receive that Word in a powerful,
NOW revelation which when delivered will bring down the Shekinah presence of
God.
I can honestly tell you that I remember almost nothing of the many book-copied
games, studies and other fillers I experienced growing up in youth groups. (Okay,
I don't remember ANYTHING of them.) But I DO remember the anointing through
men and women of God who dared to cut through the dependency on filler and
fluff and gave a passionate, powerful outpouring of truth.
Sure, let's play games! But let's do it because it's fun, we all need to laugh, it
makes kids feel at ease, and US less sanctimonious. (It's hard to be too
sanctimonious when you've been a Christmas tree or a cucumber.)
But make no mistake - it will never be a substitute for the undiluted Word of God.
That is to be the ultimate standard, the ultimate goal - to let that Word penetrate
and transform the hearts of every young life God has committed to our care.
Let's redefine youth ministry - God's Way - if we do, is there any limit to what He
will do?
Gregory R Reid
